and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
