I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
