Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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