I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
