I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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