I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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