I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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