I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Do vagina's smell?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
