Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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