so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize