Michael Bay diarrhea
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
