so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
