look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
