I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
