Got a toothbrush?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize