is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
