Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
