he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
