I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
