There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
