It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
