Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
