he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
