I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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