wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Randomize
