You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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