he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
