I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
