Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
