Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
