i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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