Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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