There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
