i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
