I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize