At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize