Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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