i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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