I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
