I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
