He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize