The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
