I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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