Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
