i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
