I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize