Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
