I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
