So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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