Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
They have beer where we have blood.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
