the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
