If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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