So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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