She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
