One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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