You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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