epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I have fence marks all over my body
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
