Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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