I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
