Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
