Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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