Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
