He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
