this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
