I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
