wat bout pragnant strippers??
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
please don't ironically join a cult
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